Connecting With Your Children
Connecting With Your Children
Creating connection and attachment without losing yourself
In this newsletter, we provide you with notes on Creating connection and attachment with your child(ren) without losing yourself, an episode of The PedsDocTalk Podcast with Dr. Mona.
Dr. Mona is a Pediatrician and a mom. She is joined by Jamie, a Registered Child Psychologist and a mum of two.
Save time and read our notes below on secure attachment and emotional responsiveness.
Topics Covered in this Summary
What is Secure Attachment
How to Create a Secure Attachment
Creating Connection and Attachment
Misconceptions of Secure Attachment
Emotional Responsiveness
Takeaway
What is Secure Attachment?
It is an attachment style in parenting that we are striving towards.
There is an emotional responsiveness by caregivers toward a child.
A caregiver is consistently meeting the needs of the child, both emotionally and physically.
Providing that sense of safety and security to the child.
How to Create a Secure Attachment
Allowing the child to have physical and emotional space to feel their feelings. This will allow them to know that your are there for them without feeling the need to fix what is going on.
Letting children explore and being by their side when they need you.
Physical touch; like cuddling , holding hands, hugs and kisses, or just being in close proximity to each other.
Connecting with your child. Get to know your child's interests, how are they viewing the world, and noticing what they are doing.
Nonverbal communication. An empathetic gaze or looking at your child. For example, when they look at you, smile back at them.
Verbal communication. Letting them know that you love and care about them.
One of the most important and meaningful times to connect, but probably one of the most difficult is when children are having a hard time. No matter how big these feelings are, we can reassure them that we are always going to be there to support them through it.
Misconceptions of Secure Attachment
Secure attachment is often misunderstood as always needing to be physically attached to your child, particularly from infancy. This is not the case.
A common example of these misconceptions are wanting our child to not be upset with us, as this may interfere with our attachment to them.
However, having them be upset and supporting them through it is what contributes towards creating and maintaining the attachment. They know that we are there for them and will help them through this.
Emotional Responsiveness
This can look like responding to your child and validating the emotion behind it. Let your child know that you are keeping them safe, emotionally and physically.
Feelings include, but are not limited to happiness, excitement, anger, jealousy, fear, and sadness. It is typical for children to have strong feelings. As parents, we can help our children learn to express, understand and deal with their strong feelings. You can do this by naming what you think your child is feeling, give them a word for the emotion. For example, if you see your child stomping their feet and/or frowning: you could say, “I think you are angry”.
Make yourself emotionally available to your child, as this opens up the space for them to connect and be consistent with expectations and boundaries.
Takeaway
It is important to understand that just as our children are learning, so are we. We are going to make mistakes, or to lose our cool sometimes. But, there's so much beauty in this.