Fatherhood on Men’s Mental Health
Fatherhood on Men’s Mental Health
Understanding and Addressing Fathers' Mental Health
In this newsletter, we provide you with notes on Mental Health and Dads, an episode of Modern Mom Probs.
Host Tara Clark is an author, content creator, mother, and the founder of Modern Mom Probs. She is joined by Eli Weinstein, father and host of The Dude Therapist Podcast.
Read our notes below.
Topics Covered in this Summary
Fatherhood on Men’s Mental Health
Encouraging Men to Talk About Mental Health Issues
Takeaway
Fatherhood on Men’s Mental Health
Becoming a parent is a huge milestone for anyone, but when a new baby joins the family, it’s common for support systems to prioritize the mother and child. A lot of parenting content is often geared toward moms, and dads can sometimes feel overlooked and underappreciated.
Many health professionals educate moms on what to expect during the transition to motherhood, while the transition to fatherhood is primarily addressed in the context of supporting the mother and baby to make sure that they’re doing well and take the burden on their shoulders. The burden gets too heavy a lot of times, and then they don't know how to deal with it, and that's the struggle that happens with a lot of men.
It has to do with the idea of the fear of vulnerability. It is innate in men to feel weak when they share and show emotion. One of the highest rates of suicide is in men ages 30 to 45. They're just so afraid to ask, to be judged, and to be shamed for having human thoughts and feelings.
Men who experience sadness or grief are more likely to channel those feelings into different emotions that are seen as more socially acceptable. For instance, a man who is experiencing sadness or depression might be more likely to act aggressively or get angry over something small, rather than cry.
Encouraging Men to Talk About Mental Health Issues
The truth is that it can be tricky to start a dialogue with men about the emotional and mental challenges they might be facing because they’ve been taught to “man up” or “get over it.”
Here are some simple ways to get the men in your life talking and connect them to help if they need professional mental health support:
Make an Observation
While you might not always know exactly what’s going on with your partner, changes in mood or behavior are generally good indicators of an underlying problem. You can show your concern without making assumptions that could cause someone to feel defensive or cornered.
“Hey, I noticed you seem a little more tired lately than usual. Is everything okay?”
Acknowledge Difficult Situations
There will be times when you’re aware of particularly difficult situations or you know that this person has experienced mental illness in the past. You can be more direct while still being respectful and demonstrating your genuine concern.
“I know these times are difficult but I’m here for you if you want to talk.”
Ask Twice
If you get brushed off with responses like “I’m fine” or “I’m okay” when you try to broach the subject of mental health, be sure to ask twice and show that you really are interested. An effective strategy is to make sure you ask them the question a second time.
“No, really, how are you? I care about you.”
Takeaway
The biggest thing that we need to do is to be more compassionate with ourselves. It’s impossible to be the greatest but if our kids are alive, happily fed, and okay, we are successful as parents.
Communicate your needs and wants with your partner because you’re a team.
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Listen to the original episode