Giving Ourselves and Our Kids Permission to Feel

The Power of Emotions and Nurturing Emotional Intelligence in Children

Feb 8

In this newsletter, we provide you with notes on Emotional Intelligence: Giving Ourselves and Our Kids Permission to Feel with Dr. Marc Brackett, an episode of Raising Good Humans with Dr Aliza.

Hosted by Dr. Aliza Pressman, a developmental psychologist with over 15 years of experience working with families and the creator of the Raising Good Humans Podcast.

She is joined by Dr. Marc Brackett, founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University and author of Permission To Feel. Co-creator of the Ruler Approach.

Topics Covered in this Summary

Importance Of Emotional Intelligence
Nurturing Emotional Intelligence in Children

Importance Of Emotional Intelligence

Emotions are forms of information and data.

A significant number of people, including parents, view feelings as destructive rather than informative. Sometimes we misunderstand and believe that feeling something makes us less intelligent when, in reality, it makes us smarter.

We were raised in a culture that teaches us that certain feelings are either positive or negative. There is a common misconception that positive emotions such as happiness, peace, excitement, and contentment are beneficial and negative emotions such as anxiety, stress, pressure and disappointment are harmful. This is a false, all emotions can be beneficial.

People must recognize the significance of emotions and how they affect our relationships, attention, decisions, and even our health. To grow in a healthy way, we must allow ourselves and those we care about to experience emotions.

Listed below is an approach (co-created by Marc) that can be used to teach emotional intelligence:

R - Recognize feelings while also paying attention to your body language and facial expressions.
U - Understanding of emotions. Questions like "why am I feeling this way?" and "where is it coming from?" will come to mind.
L - Labeling feelings
E - Expressing what you think or feel
R - Regulating. Asking questions to yourself such as, am I safe? Is it safe, and am I able to function normally? Do I have enough faith in this person to discuss my emotions with them?

Nurturing Emotional Intelligence in Children

Behavior is not an emotion, and there are no negative emotions.

Early investments in your child's emotional intelligence will pay off later in the form of more maturity, better decision-making, better social skills, and better academic performance.

Introducing children to ‘feelings’ and teaching them to recognize them at a young age can have a big impact on how they grow up as a whole.

Emotional intelligence can also assist children in identifying and investigating values.

Research shows that kids with higher emotional intelligence pay more attention, are more interested in school, have better relationships, and are more understanding.

Here are a few suggestions for enhancing your child's emotional intelligence:

Be aware of your child’s emotions. Parents who are aware of their own feelings and emotions don't have to show their children how they feel in a stronger way for them to notice.
Listen and validate the feelings. Give your child your full attention while you listen to their emotional expression. By repeating what you hear, you can show your child that you understand what they see and feel.
Label their emotions. After you have fully listened, help your child develop an awareness of and vocabulary for their emotional expression.
Help your child problem-solve with limits. All emotions are acceptable but all behaviors are not. Help your child cope with his or her emotions by developing problem-solving skills. Limit the expression to appropriate behaviors. This involves helping your child set goals and generating solutions to reach those goals.

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Listen to the original episode