Helping Kids Learn to Play Well and Fight Fairly
Helping Kids Learn to Play Well and Fight Fairly
Sibling Rivalry and Conflict between Cousins
In this newsletter, we provide you with notes on Getting Along (Siblings, Cousins, Friends & More), an episode of The Mom Hour.
Hosts of The Mom Hour Meagan Francis and Sarah Powers have a total of eight kids, ranging from babies to teenagers. They take on parenting topics and issues related to motherhood and offer weekly conversations, practical tips, and real-life encouragement for moms who want to enjoy motherhood more.
Save time and read our notes on helping kids learn to play well and fight fairly.
Topics Covered in this Summary
Helping Kids Learn to Play Well and Fight Fairly
How to Deal with Conflict between Cousins
How to Deal with Sibling Rivalry
Helping Kids Learn to Play Well and Fight Fairly
Siblings and cousins fight, and this is not something negative; it is a natural process. However, as long as pandemic guidelines continue to encourage us all to stay at home as much as possible, uncomfortable family moments may feel too common.
Children cannot always be expected to get along with each other. And you cannot always expect your children to be good at conflict resolution.
It may seem tough to assist your children in fighting fairly. However, you can use periods of conflict to teach children how to handle conflicts more effectively.
Here are some suggestions for providing your children with a toolbox so you can give up your side job as a referee.
How to Deal with Conflict between Cousins
Cousins who are close in age and gender are more likely to be jealous of each other. Sometimes cousins compete for attention with another cousin, and this is totally normal.
Family dynamics are also important. Sibling and cousin conflicts are frequently considered attempts by children who don't get enough attention to gain it.
In addition, an only child or baby may not be used to competition at home, but being thrown in with a full group of cousins at a grandparent's house is a different story.
Here are a few strategies on how to deal with cousin conflicts:
Avoid activities in which one child has a huge advantage.
If the cousin dispute is getting worse, it may be time to intervene. Listen to both sides, but don't assign blame or decide who began it. Just get them through their disagreement. If there's no obvious remedy, divert them to another activity.
If you have observed that rivalry gets really intense between children A and B when cousin C is around, avoid that cousin combination or bring in cousin D. You may even have to resort to entertaining A and B separately.
It's important to remember that this, too, will pass. When the cousins are adults, they are unlikely to remember their disagreements but will instead recall all the fun they had together.
How to Deal with Sibling Rivalry
If you have more than one child, chances are you've had to deal with sibling rivalry and fighting. The fact is, even the best sibling relationships can have moments of conflict and friction.
However, with a little insight and patience, a much more peaceful home and sibling harmony can be achieved. Fighting and feuding between siblings can be greatly reduced if they get along well from the start and are taught how to deal with disagreements.
To help you do that, here are a few ways to end the constant bickering and get the sibling rivalry under control in your home:
Expect fair fighting. Children are still learning emotion management, therefore they react emotionally. They shout, scream, and possibly hit. Thus, setting clear limits helps teach your child what is unacceptable. For example, no hitting, no name-calling. Express your feelings, and unmet needs.
Before gathering as a family, separate the kids. It's hard to discuss what happened when emotions are high. Everyone can relax by taking the opportunity to calm down. This sets everyone up for more effective conflict resolution.
Have your older child teach. When your eldest is about to get irritated, tell her that her younger sibling just wants to learn from her. Lecturing or instructing her to calm down loses an opportunity to play and learn together.
We want our kids to share, but we shouldn't force them. Encourage them to share or take turns. One kid wants to play with something the other has, or vice versa. Allow them to play or take turns.
Acknowledge your kids' for getting along. Praise your kids for self-sufficiency. For example, “You guys are having so much fun playing trains!”, “You're making each other laugh!” smile when you see them laughing.
Expecting your kids to never fight is unrealistic. Intervening in every fight shouldn't either. Your guidance will help your kids learn how to solve problems and make their relationships stronger.
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