Parent and Child Triggers and Connection
Parent and Child Triggers and Connection
Our children, in their wholeness and brightness, often trigger our adaptive responses.
In this newsletter, we provide you with notes on You Can't Change the Hard But You Can Change the Alone, an episode of Good Inside with Dr. Becky.
Hosted by Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, a mom of three, on a mission to rethink the way we raise our kids, and the creator of Good Inside.
Topics Covered in this Summary
Why Do My Kids Trigger Me?
Creating Healthy Connection With Your Child
Why Do My Kids Trigger Me?
Parents and kids have the ability to trigger each other as no one else can. Even as adults, we are often irrational in relation to our own parents.
It’s a given that you will feel triggered by your kids at some point. But the way you react when you are irritated can have long-lasting effects on your child and not always for the better.
The very problem is that there's no separation of the past and the present. If you want to start separating the past and the present to make decisions about the type of parent you want to be in the present, you have to be able to disentangle what was then from what is now.
Looking at our past in that way, understanding our circuitry, understanding the things that used to be adaptive and no longer are, but understandably hesitant to let them go, is critical in parenting.
There should be this balance where you can work on yourself and give something different to your child.
Creating Healthy Connection With Your Child
When our children are having tantrums or struggling, we often look for the easiest way to deal with it. We can't change the hard, but we can change the alone… let’s help our kids feel less alone figuring things out during the hard times.
Here are some suggestions:
Setting limits and being consistent is the golden rule of good discipline. Be kind and firm when you set rules and enforce them.
Show acceptance, let your child be, and try not to give directions all the time.
Stop and think about what your child’s behavior is telling you. Encourage them based on what you are noticing.
Always hear them out and validate their feelings.
The support of another voice, and another presence right next to our child will always help them move forward.
Helping our children when they’re struggling is one of the most empowering things we can do as parents. It shows your child that you care about the things that matter to them, which is the basis for a strong relationship.
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Listen to the original episode