Shattering the Mask of Masculinity
Understanding Masculinity and the Role it Plays in our Boys lives
In this newsletter, we provide you with notes on Shattering the Mask of Masculinity, an episode of Front Row Dads | Family Men with Businesses.
Host Jon Vroman is a motivational speaker, author, philanthropist, personal coach, ultra-marathon runner, and founder of Front Row Foundation.
He is joined by Connor Beaton, an author, speaker, and the founder of Man Talks.
Read our notes below.
Topics Covered in this Summary
What is Masculinity
Understanding and Managing your Emotions
Why Young Men Need Masculine Role Models
What Is Masculinity
Masculinities are those behaviors, languages, and practices that exist in specific cultural and organizational settings that are commonly associated with men and thus culturally defined as not feminine.
There is no universal set of expectations around masculinity. Within societies, there are dominant codes that exert pressure on, and create expectations around men - with consequences for men, women, children and society as a whole.
The understanding of masculinity varies across time and socio-cultural contexts, and within groups and networks.
Understanding and Managing your Emotions
Men's ability to seek help is influenced by social constructs of masculinity and socialization. Men struggle with emotional expression and identifying coping mechanisms as a result of masculinity constructs.
Society has long held stereotypical views of how men deal with their emotions. To avoid confronting the issue, men bury their feelings, use alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism, and even become physically abusive.
Here are ways for men to manage their emotions:
Be aware of the trigger and process it. Get to know the signs. This method encourages you to sit with your emotions, whatever they are, without judgment or shame and simply observe them. Over time, you develop the ability to recognize when you’re feeling something without it causing suffering.
Name your feelings. Say it out loud and recognize it. Say what you're feeling. Take a pause to process it. Inhale and slowly calm yourself.
Give Yourself a New Focus. Finding a stress-relieving hobby or activity that gives you a new focus when things feel too much can be really helpful in helping men manage their emotions without relying on harmful substances. It might be taking up a new sport, going for a run, reading or playing music, or cooking. These are outlets you can turn to when your emotions feel heavy, that aren’t going to impact your health in a negative way.
Acknowledge that you are thinking. Shift your attention- back to your body, sitting, the breath moving, an object, a sound. You may refocus your attention over and over again. When you do this, you are rewiring your brain.
Why Young Men Need Masculine Role Models
The influence of a significant male role model starts in early childhood. Having a strong figure for support and guidance increases our ability to form trusting relationships and builds our capacity to interact positively with others.
Young men are destroyed by a lack of fatherly masculine energy. Running away from our feelings of fear and anger deprives our loved ones of our masculine presence. Rather than numbing insecurities with shallow distractions, confront them.
When society tells men to “man up” and “suck it up,” their immediate response is often to bury their true emotions, only to fall into the trap of self-sabotage, anxiety, and depression.
But there is strength in vulnerability, and it takes a courageous heart to explore those insecurities and share them with the world.
Strong male role models are essential for men as they help to share their emotional maturity, which, unlike puberty, does not happen automatically. Every culture has present rules of what it is to be a man. Young boys need to be taught these values to evolve into the men they need to be.
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Listen to the original episode