Snapping at our Kids
Snapping at our Kids
Controlling Your Emotions, Calming Your Mind, and Responding Positively
In this newsletter, we provide you with notes on Casey O’Roarty of Joyful Courage on Calming the Drama in Our Homes, an episode of TILT Parenting: Raising Differently Wired Kids.
Hosted by Debbie Reber, a parenting activist, New York Times bestselling author, podcast host, and speaker. She is joined by Casey O’Roarty, a positive discipline trainer, parent coach, author, and host of the Joyful Courage podcast.
Read our notes below.
Topics Covered in this Summary
The Emotional Freight Train
Taking Control of Your Emotions
Tips to Calm Your Mind and Respond Positively
The Emotional Freight Train
Parenting is difficult. Along with happiness, there is an emotional freight train full of challenges and frustration. Our children can show strong feelings in an instant, which can make us angry and out of control.
We have negative thoughts automatically, and we can have negative thoughts about our ability to help our children change, learn, or understand.
It is important to notice, respect, and change our ways of thinking or acting as needed.
We have no control over the events and experiences in our lives, but how we respond can have an influence on our children.
Taking Control of Your Emotions
As parents, we sometimes say and do things that we later come to regret. We always have a choice in how we respond to situations, especially when it comes to our children. Once we realize this, it is much easier to make good decisions.
Be mindful and pay attention to your body. Accepting emotions means noticing, identifying, and understanding our emotions without blaming others or judging ourselves for how we feel. The goal is to acknowledge your emotions without allowing them to control you.
Learning to react well takes practice. But we all can get better at taking emotional situations in stride and expressing emotions in healthy ways, and that's something to feel good about! It helps to view our emotions as understandable, given the situation. We know they're reasonable, and that it's OK to feel whatever way we feel.
Tips to Calm Your Mind and Respond Positively
Our bodies are telling us to hold on, slow down, or let go, but it's difficult to remember that. When the stakes are low, we need to practice a lot.
For example, suppose we asked our children nicely for a chore three times and they still did not respond. The only time they moved was when we snapped and started yelling.
If we pay attention, there's a lot of heat or tension in our bodies. If our fists and the small muscles in our faces become rigid, we should make small shifts, take a deep breath, and try a different approach instead of asking our children nicely again.
Here are some Tips to Calm Your Mind and Respond Positively:
Checking in a couple of times a day. Smartphones are a really useful tool to use. Set reminders for yourself throughout the day that are going remind you at that moment to check in on what's happening in your body.
Bring your focus to your breathing and follow it into your body. According to research, our exhales slow our heart rate while our inhales speed it up. Exhales that are slightly longer than inhales cause our nervous system to relax. Find a quiet place where you can unwind, relax your facial muscles, and straighten your back and shoulders.
Use healthy relationships to regulate emotions by confiding in a trusted friend or loved one. Socializing can help you relax and even regulate your body's physical response to emotions.
The more time and attention you spend on regulating your emotions, the mentally stronger you'll become. You'll gain confidence in your ability to handle discomfort while also knowing that you can make healthy choices that shift your mood, especially on the days you feel lonely and like a complete failure.
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Listen to the original episode