What Is Pendulum Parenting?
What Is Pendulum Parenting?
Shifting and flowing from one parenting approach to the other while keeping a level of consistency and firmness
In this newsletter, we provide you with notes on Pendulum Parenting, an episode of Good Inside with Dr Becky.
Hosted by Dr. Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist and mom of three on a mission to rethink the way we raise our kids. She is also the creator of Good Inside.
She is joined by one of the hosts of the We Can Do Hard Things, Amanda Doyle.
Read our notes below.
Topics Covered in this Summary
What is Pendulum Parenting?
Help Kids Understand and Express Their Feelings
What is Pendulum Parenting?
Pendulum Parenting: When you try so hard to parent differently than the way you were raised but accidentally swing to the other end of the pendulum.
It doesn't matter how you think you should parent or how you actually parent; what's important is that you realize it's okay to shift your parenting approach and flow from one approach to the other like a pendulum while keeping a level of consistency and firmness.
We want to get to a place where our children can feel all of the emotions and express all of their emotions but not necessarily act on the emotions to express all the behaviours that they are considering.
Help Kids Understand and Express Their Feelings
Feelings are intense, and we are born with no skills to deal with them. It is important that you allow your child to experience whatever it is that they feel, even if those feelings don't align with your own. This doesn't give them a free pass to act however they want, of course.
For instance, your child may have slammed the door because they are upset with you. Explain to your child in a calm manner that while they can be angry with you, they are not allowed to slam the door. Teach them safer ways to express anger.
How to Help Your Child Understand and Express Their Feelings:
Tune into your child’s feelings by looking at their body language, listening to what they’re saying, and observing their behavior. Figuring out what they feel and why means you can help them identify, express, and manage those feelings better.
Naming feelings is the first step in helping kids learn to identify them. It allows your child to develop an emotional vocabulary so they can talk about their feelings.
Provide lots of opportunities to identify feelings in others. You might ask your child to reflect on what someone else may be feeling.
Cartoons or picture books are a great way to discuss feelings and help kids learn how to recognize other people’s feelings through facial expressions.
Be a role model. Kids learn about feelings and how to express them appropriately by watching others. Show your child how you’re feeling about different situations and how you deal with those feelings.
Praise your child when they talk about their feelings or express them in an appropriate way. Not only does it show that feelings are normal and it’s ok to talk about them, but it also reinforces the behavior so they are likely to repeat it.
Stay present and resist the urge to make your child’s bad feelings go away. Support your child to identify and express their feelings so that they are heard.
When feelings are minimized or dismissed, they will often be expressed in unhealthy ways.
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Listen to the original episode