Why is it So Hard To Set Boundaries With Our Children?

Learn why boundaries are important and how to support yourself when setting a boundary with your child

Jan 6

In this newsletter, we provide you with notes on Why It's So Hard To Set Boundaries With Our Children, an episode of Thrive Like A Parent.

Brooke Weinstein is a Doctor of Occupational Therapy and a coach for busy moms. Her mission is to help mamas fall in love with their lives again.

Read our notes below.

Topics Covered in this Summary

Why are Boundaries Important
How to Support Yourself When Setting a Boundary With Your Child

Why are Boundaries Important

Setting boundaries for your child is an essential parenting skill. While we may have good intentions when it comes to establishing appropriate, consistent boundaries, it is all too easy to fall short of this goal.

Sometimes parents believe that their children should not experience difficult emotions. This belief seems natural and helpful, but if it is taken too far, it can make it hard to set limits.

Despite the fact that you may not want your child to feel frustrated, it is important for them to experience and adapt to this emotion. There are times in life when we will and should feel unhappy, angry, and anxious, and we cannot prevent our children from experiencing these emotions.

In addition, setting boundaries and expectations can help kids learn patience, problem-solving skills, resourcefulness, responsibility, and self-discipline.

Here are some ideas for setting boundaries and expectations for your child:

Make sure your expectations are clear and positive. Focus on the do’s rather than the dont’s. Explain why a limit exists, and have verbal children repeat what you have asked them to do and why. Keep expectations simple and straightforward.
Be prepared for setbacks and testing. Everyone learns from their mistakes. Children will challenge the rules and occasionally forget them, especially if they must remember multiple sets of rules (at home, daycare, and school). Remind them gently and start over, and allow children to deal with the consequences of breaking the rules.

Setting boundaries is an important tool for families that can aid in the development of children who will grow into healthy, caring, and responsible adults.

How to Support Yourself When Setting a Boundary With Your Child

As parents, we are worried about our children, and we frequently over-function for them. This indicates that we go above and beyond for them and "go in their box" as opposed to remaining on our own. When this happens, we’ve forgotten where we end and where our child begins.

It’s painful to see our children suffer in life, and we care about them and naturally want to "fix things" so that they can have a better existence. However, be aware that you're depriving your children of a valuable opportunity when you can't let them overcome challenges on their own.

Below are a few tips to support yourself when setting boundaries:

Take a few full breaths, it is possible that the idea that we are putting our children in an awkward situation is tough to consider. However, you should remind yourself that you are doing this now in order to avoid having to do it later.
Sometimes parents have a hard time holding on to themselves and their boundaries even though they know it’s in their kids’ best interest. This can happen because we are simply worn out. In that case, you may have to work on building up your resilience through exercise, getting more sleep, and getting more involved in your own life and goals.

When you know where you stand, you can decide what you will and will not tolerate from your child. Set your limits and try to stick to your principles instead of acting on how you feel right now.

If you let your thoughts and principles guide you, you'll be less likely to let your emotions dictate your parenting, which will benefit both you and your child.

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Listen to the original episode